#9 - What the Fish | A Memoir

What the Fish?

It was the first time, around 5th Standard, I guess, that we grew a fish in our home. Yes, it was the first pet we had in our home for a very long time. This happened because, at my Chithi’s home, they bought a huge fish tank with around 30 fish, equipped with proper oxygen and light setup. We went there to see it. Myself, my sister, and my cousin watched in joy, counting each fish. After some time, I felt that I should also buy a fish tank, but my mom wouldn't allow me. She would usually say, "Ungala valakkarathey perusu, ithula ithukala veraya?" (It’s hard enough raising you guys; do I need the added burden of pets?). So, we left the idea of asking our parents for pets. Knowing this, my cousin and my Chithi asked us to choose a fish to take and raise at home.

In my vague memory, there were goldfish, red cap, some mollies, telescope fish, and angel fish. I chose a reddish-orange fish with black patches here and there. I thought it was a molly until now, but after some research, I couldn’t find such a colored molly; it may be a platy fish, I guess, or a mix of both. We took it home in a small bottle, went to the kitchen, searched for an empty container, and found a glass Horlicks bottle. I washed it, filled it with water, and placed the fish inside. I watched it swim until 10 PM (which was late back then). We even gave it a name. After considering many options, we came up with a name & we even put a label on it with its name.

I fed it fish food, which often smelled bad, but it would eat it so well. Then it would excrete a thread-like waste. Once a week, I would clean the bottle. The inner surface of the glass bottle felt very slippery due to algal growth. I washed it with dish soap, let it dry in sunlight, and, after a while, put the fish back in. This routine continued for a year, but one day, the fish died, and it was so painful for me.

After this, one day, I watched "Finding Nemo" on Jetix in Tamil. In the movie, "Nemo," who lives with his family in the ocean, is captured and sold in a shop, where he is later bought by a kid and raised by her. In a scene where Nemo looks up at the kid from inside the tank, the kid appears large and intimidating. Watching that, I felt that our fish might have also seen us this way. Did it miss its family? We enjoyed watching it, but we never knew what it was going through in its mind. That day, I decided I would never keep fish again. But once, while discussing it with friends, they told me that Nemo is a sea fish, while the ones sold in our area are bred locally. So, no fish misses its family; they’re all here. I was partly convinced, but my heart still wouldn’t fully accept it. (I think this is the power of cinema.)

As time passed, in 7th Standard, for a science exhibition, we had to demonstrate something related to science and explain it. Everyone else was buying ready-made projects from a famous shop for around 500 rupees, which was a lot in those days. So I thought I’d buy a small fish tank with fish and explain their biological aspects. I convinced my mom, and we went to the famous fish shop in our area, "JJ Aquarium." We bought the smallest tank, which cost 40 rupees and could hold 6-7 small fish. I bought a pair of red caps, which I love even more than goldfish. I also got a pair of mollies and guppies, then took them home. On the exhibition day, the whole school was eagerly watching. I explained to the judges that fish are vertebrates, cold-blooded organisms, and other facts.

After that, whenever I got pocket money, I would save it to buy fish, as they were costly. Goldfish and red caps cost 10 rupees a pair. Sharks were more expensive, with larger ones costing even more. Over time, I bought many varieties, like tiger fish, angel fish, telescope fish, and tank cleaners, depending on the season. But I still haven’t bought any fighter fish. Once, a guppy delivered many fry, and I even sold them to the aquarium to get other varieties of fish. I would ask the shopkeeper for loaded guppies that could give birth to fry, and sometimes he’d oblige. I even thought of turning it into a business in the future.

Keeping fish is really a stress buster for me. Even now, whenever I see an aquarium in a hotel or other places, I just stand there and watch the fish. It makes me feel nostalgic. So, that’s it. Some creatures are just meant to make us happy, I guess, and these pet fish are one of them. I don’t know how they feel, but looking at them makes me happier.

Peace.☮️

-Senthil Rajan.